The Aunt Who Took the Daycare Job

Our mom died of a stroke when I was nineteen. Our dad remarried a year later and moved to Arizona with a woman named Sheryl who sends Christmas cards with both their names printed on them. After the funeral, Brandon was the only family I had in Iowa.

I finished my early childhood certificate at the community college when I was twenty-one. Mrs.

Patty Ostrander, who runs the Little Acorns daycare across town, supervised my practicum, and she told me on my last day that she would hire me the minute I wanted a job.

That same week, Kayla went back to work after her leave with Hunter, and the woman who was supposed to watch him backed out.

Brandon called me and asked if I could help out just for a month while they found somebody.

I said yes, because I loved my nephew and because I was living in a rented room with two girls from the college and the rent was going up.

Brandon said I could stay in the basement. He said it would save me money. He said it was only for a month.

The month became a season. Then Kayla found out she was pregnant with the twins, and nobody in town had an opening for two infants, and the month became a year. Then the twins were walking and Kayla was pregnant again, with Wes.

Somewhere in there I stopped thinking of it as helping. It was just my life. I got up at four-thirty when Brandon left for the plant.

I made the bottles. I changed the diapers. I took Hunter to his speech evaluation and the twins to their shots.

I knew every cough they had. I knew Ava would only eat her eggs if they were scrambled with cheese and Ella would only eat hers if they were not.

I knew Hunter could not sleep unless his blue tractor blanket was folded in half and laid over his feet, never his chest.

I had two hundred and twelve dollars in my checking account that night in January. It was birthday money from my dad and twenty-dollar bills Kayla had slipped me at Christmas.

I had no car payment because I had no car. I used Kayla’s minivan for errands.

People have asked me since why I didn’t just leave sooner. The honest answer is that I had nowhere to go and nothing to go on.

The more honest answer is that Wes would only fall asleep on my shoulder, and I didn’t know how to put him down and walk away.

I lay in the basement that night with my breath showing in the light from the furnace pilot, and I thought about how many nights I had walked the floor upstairs with one of those babies while Brandon slept. I wasn’t angry yet. I was just tired, and very cold.

When I woke up at four-thirty, there was a thin skin of ice on top of the water glass beside my cot.

I tapped it with my fingernail and it cracked. I sat there looking at it for a long time.

Then I went upstairs and made breakfast, the way I did every morning. Brandon had already left for the plant. Kayla was asleep after her late shift.

Hunter came down in his pajamas and climbed onto the stool and asked why I had my coat on in the kitchen.

“I was just a little cold, buddy,” I said. “Eat your toast.”