The Christmas I Rented The Fire Hall

The children came at me in their good clothes, and I got my arms around both of them, and that part was the same as ever.

Greg hugged me longer than he usually does. “Hi, Mom,” he said into my hair.

We sat. I held a plate on my knee. I asked Amber about her work, and she told me. I asked about her mother, and her face closed up a little, and she said, “We’re not seeing her this year,” and passed me the fruit.

At a quarter to three we did gifts. Sam turned that flashlight on and off forty times and then crawled under the dining table with it. Ella unwrapped the frame and read the card through, moving her lips.

“This is Great-Grandma’s writing,” she said.

“It is. That’s the one we use. You’re old enough to have it.”

“That is not a twenty dollar gift,” Greg said quietly.

“A dollar twenty-five,” I said. “I have the receipt.”

Amber looked at the card a long time. She did not say anything. But she got up and moved a silver candlestick on the mantel and stood the frame there, where it could be seen.

At ten to four I caught Amber watching the clock, and what I saw in her face surprised me. It was not impatience. It was dread. She looked like a woman waiting for something to break.

At four o’clock I stood up.

“Well,” I said. “This was just lovely. Thank you for having me.”

Greg stood too. “Mom, you don’t have to run right…”

“Four o’clock,” I said, and I smiled at him so he would know I meant no dig by it. “I’m a guest. I mind the hostess.”

I got my coat. Ella followed me to the door. Sam came behind her, shining his flashlight on my boots.

“Grandma,” Ella said. “When is the real Christmas?”

Amber was standing right behind her. I saw the words land.

“This one was real, sweetheart,” I said. “Your mama made it nice.”

“No, but the one with the turkey. And the lefse. And the long table with the leaf in. Is it tomorrow?”

“There isn’t one at my house this year.”

“Then where are you going?”

I will not lie to a child. I did not see why I should start on Christmas.

“I’m going back up to Two Harbors. I’m cooking supper at the fire hall for some folks who didn’t have a table to go to tonight.”

“What folks?”

“Mr. Kowalski from church. Some nurses. The men who drive the plows. A family whose furnace broke.”

Greg had gone very still. “You rented the fire hall,” he said.

“I had two turkeys, honey.”

“Mom, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it would have sounded like I was throwing a party across town from your wife’s,” I said. “I’m not. This was Christmas. That is just supper.” I looked past him at Amber. “Anybody is welcome at it. That’s the whole idea of the thing. But you’ve had your day, and it was a good one, and I’m not asking.”

Amber’s mouth opened. Nothing came out.

I kissed both children on the top of the head and went down the steps to my car.

---

I walked into that hall at four thirty-five and Joanne threw an apron at me.

“How was it?”

“Clean.”

“Nancy.”

“It was fine. It was kind. She’s scared of something and I don’t know what.” I tied the apron. “How many?”